Style Icon: Margaret Thatcher

There is no need to become a notorious British prime minister to replicate this style, you don't even need to spend lots of money. It's easy to look like Maggie for next to nothing at home.

Step 1: Go to your nearest charity store and purchase a well fitted 80's matching skirt and jacket. Don't get ripped off, it shouldn't cost you more than $10.

Step 2: Time for a visit to nanna! Ask your favourite grandmother where she gets her awesome perm. Go there and negotiate a discount with the hairdresser. It's easy, tell them 'If you don't give me a cheap perm you will be unemployed soon enough'. They will probably be scared into the discount.

Step 3: Work on a sadistic grin. Practice in front of the mirror. You have to make sure your eyes show no emotion and it is only your lips that move.

Step 4: Make enemies with young people, trade unionists and people in the fashion world. Your aim is to get people to make famous T-shirts undermining your policies. You are allowed to shake hands with these people. Avoid skinheads on the street.

Step 5: This is not necessary but if you can get your hands on a coat like this you should definitely buy it immediately! She looks like a witch, in fact, purchase a cauldron too. You should begin working on your spells.

See it's easy! By following these 5 fun filled steps you should be channeling Margaret Thatcher in no time! Goodluck!

are we funny?

Me

i made a blog

21:44 Salome

cool

21:44 Me

i didn't post it yet

you can add or take from it

21:45 Salome

or delete it.

haha

21:45 Me

fuck you

haha

21:45 Salome

no i would never do that

21:45Me

what if i wrote one about how much i love beige

21:45Salome

i would change it so it looked as if i wrote it

i actually love beige!!

i am a nanna

21:45Me

not all beige

i don't look good in beige

it blends into me

21:46 Salome

today on the bus i thought i would get an ipod

and then i wondered if they came in beige

so i am old because i wanted a beige ipod

21:47Me

you're freaking ancient

i looked like a librarian again today

21:47Salome

haha

21:47Me

i'm thinking we should start a style

post conservative

21:47Salome

yeah

21:47Me

ironic conservative

21:48Salome

but we drink rose out of strange carafes

21:48Me

we're not actually conservative

21:48Salome

were so stylish we look unstylish

21:48Me

but our dress suggests we are and then we shock them

shock!

21:48Salome

BAM!!

21:48Me

post conservative

yeaah

totally prude approved

yet not

are you going to say something or shall i continue to have a conversation with myself?

so, catherine, how was your day?

haha

good

yours? oh shit. i already said good

21:52Salome

oh sorry

BLAH BLAH BL:AH

21:52Me

nya nya nya

i'll be like kevin

nyaa nyaa nyaa

21:52Salome

i dont want you to pour acid in my eye

21:53Me

that may be necessary salome

21:53Salome

kevin is such a creeper

21:53Me

i know

21:53Salome

therefore you are such a creeper

and im glad you dont do archery

21:53Me

it was ironic that i made you read it because i needed to talk about kevin

i was never good at sports

archery is a sport

21:54Salome

me neither

i was thinking of saying that, but i thought it would still be mean to say you were bad at sport even if its true

21:54Me

it would

but it's ok because i said it first

21:55Salome

and also because im bad at sport too

21:55Me

does eating two mini toblerones equal to one normal sized one?

21:56Salome

depends on the situation

21:56Me

no it doesn't

they are always the same size

so it would always be the same

younger kids who are cooler than us.

Oh how much we hate them, it's this perverseness which is one part admiration and two parts jealousy.


When we were your age we were wallowing in our hate for everything, being fat and working out what life was. We didn't have time to be cool.


It's not only that you have great style, you also have a good taste in music, know who you are, are creative, intelligent, and generally productive in life. Were you even ever bullied!? We got the cool knocked out of us and we had to build it up again over a long period of time with never ending barriers. Fuck you for being so resiliently amazing so young!


It's terribly hard but we have to overcome all kinds of shame and recognise you did life better than us and probably always will. How? HOW?! My darlings, congratulations, you managed it all. (we are allowed to recognise your coolness and still hate you)



P.S.
Photo babies: we're sorry we ransacked your facebooks and stole your amazing pictures. You people are truly too cool for school. The kids we speak of are younger than you, but we don't have kids that age as facebook friends because that would be creepy.


salome: 'seriously cathy, younger kids that are cooler than us makes me depressed.'

Let's warm up this town

Hipster Checklist

Oh, dear, some tracksuit wearing, commerce student mainstreamer has called you a Hipster! But you're not, are you? You begin to doubt. Have I been living a lie? Am I a Hipster?

Fortunately, we've compiled this handy Hipster Checklist.

If you identify with three or more of the following points, chances are, you're a Hipster. Deal with it. Embrace it. Become at one with your true sub-culture. The sub-culture of the gods. We have great hair.

1. Mirrors
You can't help but look at youself in every available reflective surface (e.g. shop windows, shiny shoes, spoons, macbook screens, your lovers eyes)


2. Hair

Enough said. Applies to both males and female hipsters. it also counts if you are close friends with someone who has this style.

3. Clothes

You have nice things like macbooks and iPhones, but tend to look like an impoverished waif on an op-shop binge, even though lots of your clothes come from expensive shops and American Apparel.

4. Music

Must be obscure and of multiple genres. The less known the better. As soon as something becomes popular you no longer like it, except in an ironic way.

5. Pretentiousness

You find, in general that you are much more stylish than the average person and are far more creative and unique, rejecting the label of ‘Hipster’ as you feel it pigeon-holes you and diminishes your individuality. You are also really globally aware and know heaps about issues and stuff (you once read an article about animal cruelty for a high school project).

6. Social life

You seem to be drawn to stand in front of your local American Apparel store, as it is a place where you can finally be you. All your friends are individuals too, but your outfits always seem to be co-ordinated, though not in a backstreet boys kind of way. All your friends could reasonably be classed as hipster, except for that one lame high-school friend who you hang out with because it reassures you that you are better than everyone you went to school with. Refer to point 5 for more on pretentiousness.

7. Hobbies

You are in a band, into subversive counter-culture art, writing songs and playing guitar. Although you may not follow through in doing any of these things you have created a sense of partaking in one or more of these activities. You like anything ‘underground’.

8. Transport

Anything old and rusty looking, be it car, bike or skateboard. Even your helmet is one of those dodgy looking 80’s ones, or a bowl-cut skater one, all worn with a large helping of irony. You might even rebel against the man (even though he pays for your centrelink money) and ride without your helmet strap done up.

9. IRONY

Every part of you life contains some aspect of irony. You wear ironic clothes, eat ironic foods like macdonalds (you’re taking down the man from inside) and do ironic things. This proves how cool you are and gives you a warm fuzzy feeling inside. you may even have an ironic hipster moustache.

10. ‘That’s so Mainstream’

A simple test of hipsterdom – if you have ever said/thought ‘That’s so mainstream’, you ARE a hipster, no arguments.

But don’t worry, at least you’re not

TOTALLY MAINSTREAM!
Fucking teenyboppers.

i'm not bold.

Lately I’ve been a bit disappointed at my lack of boldness. When I was younger I thought I was bold and in comparison to dull others I guess I could seem slightly gutsy. I don’t take many risks and frankly it’s easier that way. Boldness is an amazing effort.

The reason for my internal conflict is my great admiration for people who are naturally bold. It could be that person who goes to a party wearing a unitard, sombrero and nothing else, a girl who doesn’t shave her armpits or when that person you hardly know brings up socially inappropriate but universal things, e.g. masturbation, god-awful hook-ups, nose picking or horrible teen angst younger years - self harm and bad poetry included.

To give you an example of my lack of boldness I’ll start with the fact that I’ve never engaged in criminal activity. Of course I’ve tried the whole teenage experimental drugs thing and under-aged alcohol buying, but that is just a given, isn’t it? Anyway I didn’t do them in a bold way either, a little bit of weed here and there, a couple of pills when I was young and impressionable – I think they were some sort of depressant though so I just fell asleep. Sigh, not bold at all. I can’t steal. My guilty conscience weighs up on me. I learned my lesson pretty quickly after I stole a cherry from the fruit shop as a small child only to look up and see the fruit lady glaring at me as she uttered a frightening, ‘I’m watching you’. Spooky. Looking back on this, I’m sure she didn’t mean to be quite so terrifying, but terrifying she was. I haven’t stolen since.

I’m not at all sexually promiscuous, one could even go to the extent of saying I am prudish (I prefer respectable) although anyone who voiced that would not end up very happy. Sometimes I will be attracted to someone and then proceed to talk myself out of it by thinking of every possible con to the situation. I don’t exactly dress bold either; a friend once said to me (in an endearing way) ‘what are you going to wear tonight… black dress and red lipstick?’ Okay, yes, I do wear a lot of black. I like to think I look ‘classic and womanly’. Well at least I can pull off vintage dresses without looking like one of those vintagey –girls. You know the ones; they’re all wispy, they like lying in grassy fields and look like they have just stepped out of the virgin suicides. Still, if I tried to be bold I would probably end up looking like a cartoon character. Or road kill.

Ah well, maybe I should accept myself for who I am, go with my lameness and motherly fear for myself and my friends. At least you know I’ll be consoling you to get down when you are naked on a Rundle street rooftop after those pure MDMA pills you got off that cap-wearing dodgy looking guy in that alley. And no thank you, I won’t have that third vodka shot. Two is bold enough for me.

gutter fashion goes global in 2010

usually when people would try to predict fashions, they would look to the traditional 'leaders' of style - designers, stylists, movie stars etc. which is all well and good, but personally I like my style tips a little less highbrow.

what follows is a list of my top four sources of new and inspiring fashions for the winter of 2010.

1. homeless people



homeless people are really good at pulling off the dishevelled look we all aspire to so much. they also have some really good vintage clothes, and a kick-arse attitude to match.

2. 80's teenagers



it's actually like looking into a mirror. but with slightly larger hair.

3. bogans



bogans do casual wear like no-one else can. while some may scorn their lax standards of dress, i see this more as an expression of their inner confidence and complete ease with their surrounds. truly a beautiful sight to behold. and their cars are always total chick magnets

4. my nan



honestly, what a chiller. works slippers and clip on earrings like no one else. teastament to the fact that a little bit of volumising hairspray and lippy can go a long way.

so there you have it, now get out there and show the lagerfelds and rachel zoes of the world how it's really done.

apologise to my arse.

Can someone tell me what is with us all bitching about how ugly everyone is? It’s terrible. Sure, people’s personality traits and annoying pastimes, drunken antics, fails at basic personal hygiene, fake tans, people’s ability to act like total douches, serial flirts, laziness, and horrible clothes can be very irritating. With so much gold to bitch about, what’s the point of insulting people’s bodies?

Unless someone has some skin disease and insists on wiping their flakes on you out of hate for the world there really is no excuse to go dissin’ someone’s birthday suit. So what if she has cellulite, you’re just jealous you don’t have the guts to wear a short dress like that. If that girl hasn’t shaved her legs, shock horror! You grow hair too! And actually go to the effort of shaving every day! Keep that up until you die. ‘..His nose looks like a potato.’ What is even the point of commenting on this? There is nothing he can do to change it except get someone to kick a soccer ball at his face multiple times and this could just possibly end badly. Alternatively, he could get plastic surgery but then you would probably laugh at him for being completely vain and then get jealous when he gets all the girls. If she has a fat arse and flabby arms, so what? That’s her body, you have one too. She probably comments on the fact that you have no tits. It’s karma baby.

The thing is, our bodies are the only true thing we own. Everything else can be lost, stolen, passed on, or given away. Everything else we can get bored with, grow out of or change. If you must bitch about a body, make it your own, that can be lots of fun! (Remember that scene from mean girls)

Anyway, the less time you spend bitching about people’s bodies, the more time you have for bitching about everyone’s favourite topic - sickeningly sweet couples in love. I don’t know about you but the use of baby names by educated adults is more than four times as vomit worthy than your ex best friend in tiny shorts, isn’t it? Byebyeee hunnibun, kisses! (blurgh).

the intro post.

we're pretty much bored of staring into shop windows at ourselves, so we thought we'd channel our creative energy into something worthwhile, useful, community minded.
but then we changed our minds.

hence the blog.

we're the black jelly beans in the lolly bag
and the green snakes

we probably drink too much coffee,
but we have to pass the time somehow and drugs are really expensive.